


The day snow comes again

by klutzangell



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mentioned Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Mentioned Nakamoto Yuta, Possible Character Death, Sad, Sad Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, based off of author, letter format, letter from doyoung to ten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:48:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29639742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klutzangell/pseuds/klutzangell
Summary: If you get this letter tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, please don't cry. I used my favorite paper and pen and your tears will just make it shrivel. You might not get this at all or you might get this a few years or a few months or a few weeks or a few days later. I can't seem to know when I'll give up and that's the scariest part.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	The day snow comes again

**Author's Note:**

> just a random thought that popped up in my head and now here we are  
> it's sad but i didn't want it to be completely sad so I have left it to be an open ending <3

My dear annoying Ten, 

Did you know that although snow might look all pretty and sparkles, it actually has many toxic chemicals that are dangerous? That's why you're not supposed to eat snow. I think that I can relate to snow. If it had feelings (obviously) and maybe it does, who really knows. Snow is dreaded by so many yet it also brings joy to a lot of people and many animals are dependent of it. 

If you are wondering why you're reading this, it is because my thoughts are like snow. They come in every winter, every year, different amounts. They don't seem harmful at first but they are just so toxic that I don't know how to handle it. It's so frustrating that I feel like screaming but I can't. I can't bring myself to be frustrated over something that my brain registers as such a big deal yet won't let me express it because it also thinks that it's not a big deal and that there are more serious problems to talk about. But...let's not talk about that for now. Or should I say, I don't want you to read about that. 

I forgot to tell you this but the other day I found the sweater that you kept complaining to me that I didn't wear. I'm wearing it right now and I'm sad that I didn't find it again sooner. It's really soft and comfortable. It reminds me of you. Although of course I am better. I think you should keep this sweater, it would look good on you with your black hair. I would want to keep the sweater forever but we have to let go of things don't we? That's the reason I am letting go of you.

I know you try to be there for me whenever you can and there will never be enough thank you's to tell you how much it meant to me. But no matter how hard you try, how hard my brother tries, how hard any of my friends try, or how hard I try, I can't seem to get better. And I am truly sorry for not being able to do so. I thought I was getting better, but I don't. I hate seeing that I am dragging you down. I don't like that you take days off of work because of me. I don't like that you cry because of me. I don't like that I am hurting you because I am hurting myself. So I am letting you go. I am letting you all go and I am letting myself go. When we first met you said I was "uptight" and you're right, I was, which was fun to use to annoy you. You taught me how to let go once in a while and I thank you for that. If I hadn't met you and Yuta, I wouldn't have had as much fun as I did.

I am sorry for not being able to get myself out of the snow even with a tow truck. Maybe my stubbornness comes into blame but again..that is part of me. And I know you probably are mad as you are reading this but please don't be mad at me or at yourself or anyone. It's the last thing I want. I want you to be happy and free like you were back then. I don't want you to look like the life is being sucked out of you because frankly that scares me everytime I wake up so please don't. I just want you to know that all of us tried our best so A+ for effort right?

I care about you so much that it hurts and I don't think I've ever said it to you. I am not one to be affectionate verbally or physically so I really don't know how the hell you liked me enough to actually go after me. I don't know if I ever apologized for slamming the lab door in your face but I was too nervous after you asked me out. You are too bold. But I like it. If you get this far then please tell Yuta that I hate him but love him so much and that I will never forgive him for kicking that dirty old soccer ball of his in my face but that I hope he can forgive me. I would write him one too but I know he is impulsive and will probably rip or crumple it or something so I am writing one to you. You are my favorite anyways and always will be. (I still love Yu don't worry) But if you get this letter tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, please don't cry. I used my favorite paper and pen and your tears will just make it shrivel. You might not get this at all or you might get this a few years or a few months or a few weeks or a few days later. I can't seem to know when I'll give up and that's the scariest part. It is always looming over my head like a claw machine, missing and missing till it grabs. 

I am getting cold even though I am in this sweater so I think I should go. My hands are freezing and they're getting cramped. I have to go and decide whether or not I need to go over some notes before my clinical rotations tomorrow. Writing this feels ridiculous if I do wing up seeing you tomorrow but I need to be ready. If I do see you though I will be sure to give you a big fat hug and I promise to be happy if I do so you don't have to worry. My fingertips feel like ice and I know you don't like my hands being so cold so I'll go warm up now. I am sorry in advance if you have to hold my cold hands. Don't ever forget how much I love you but I also want you to forget what it is like to love me so that I can be just a small memory and you can live happily again. 

Love from the person who will always be taller than you,

KDY 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading and i hope you have a good day/night <3


End file.
